Writing about my depression

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

One of the staff members here at the open mental ward in Rambam Hospital gave me the advice of writing my thoughts while I’m here. It’s not that I wasn’t aware of this technique to deal with some life thingies, but you’re in a severe mental condition, it’s harder to think clearly. Anyway, here we go.

Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/Tumisu-148124/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=3337026">Tumisu</a> from <a href="https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=3337026">Pixabay</a>” class=”wp-image-121″/></figure>

<p>Lets  make a scale between 1 to 10 where 1 is severe depression and 10 is the happiest moment in your life (one of those days that make you shine and be happy, wedding, child birth, work promotion, etc), Also, Mania in this scale is 10+, a “normal” person will have this entire range to explore in his/her life, but most people will probably stay around 5-7 in their daily life. </p>

<p>In my daily life I’m 3, perhaps 4 on stream days, and that’s it. That’s my depression. Think about how living your life at this level, for this long (I’m 36 years old at the time of writing) This is my life. This is my depression. And in the past year, I went from being at 3 to be at 2. I can’t play anymore (hopefully I’ll be able to do so after the treatment I get here), I find no interest in humans, or really anything. </p>

<p>If you watch my streams (or rewinds, there are some in my YouTube channel and Twitch does save streams for few days) you might think I’m happy and playful, but that’s a fake. I can fake some happiness, and I do that in hope it’ll get me up from this low state. But it doesn’t and for long time it haven’t, and if you watched (or going to watch) the most recent streams (like the two from recent weekend) you’ll see that I really having a hard time keeping up with the games and actually have fun. It will change, hopefully, I don’t know, I want it too, I’m trying too and I’m cooperating with the treatments this ward offers. </p>

<p>I hope this example was clear enough, but if you have follow up questions, you are most welcome to ask me either in the comments, Twitter, Twitch, or E-Mail. </p>

<p>Most importantly, if you know someone who suffer from depression, please, don’t leave him/her alone. It’s painful for us, families and friends and there are ways to get help. </p>

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